The name of this blog has the word "Crooked" in it for a reason.
I am imperfect. So's my practice. So's my language, my being, my center and my chakras. It's all a little squirrely- and I like it that way.
I write pieces for this blog, mostly for my own selfish intent but also because sometimes, I get a small thank you for having shared the imperfect parts of who I am. And that inspires me. I write pieces for this blog because we all have cracks; we are all holding and carrying things that define the not-so-lovely parts of who we are- and I think owning those pieces of who we are is really important.
...and I think owning those pieces of who we are is really important.
Note that those things do not own us. We own those pieces. We acknowledge them. And we listen to them.
I write pieces for this blog because I enjoy sharing the reality of facing the ugly stuff, appreciating the good stuff and actually using the tools I've met in this practice to help me navigate storms, big and small. Sure, practice is great when things are running smoothly. But I find that this practice, for me, is more rewarding when the sun fades and when challenge meets us head-on.
That's when we really make use of these tools. That's when we see the ugliest parts of ourselves, when we're honest, when we're a mess. That's when we're brave. Bravery isn't made up of perfect people living perfect lives. Bravery is made up of the will to take risks, to face pain and to dance with it. When we face true fears and when we resign to living in that so that we actually feel so we know what to heal, then, we are practicing bravery.
And that's how you know the gal who writes this blog, the same one who writes about this practice, called Yoga and the tools she's stock piled in her back pocket isn't full of sh*t. Yoga is real.
This practice isn't easy, physically. Ya, we all get that. But when life seems to steam role you, that's when this practice becomes emotionally and mentally challenging. Meditating when you'd rather sleep is hard. Practicing when you'd rather have a cocktail is hard too. I mean, you know the practice is better for you than the cocktail. But the thing is...the cocktail will make you smile, even if just for a minute. Practice, on the other hand, will hold you accountable for how you actually feel. It will pull all that ugly sh*t out of you and you will have to look at it. You will have to sit with the stuff, the memories and the disappointments and you will have to examine them.
Because that's what this practice is.
A conscious movement to own the ugly stuff, process it and lay it down.
So, just so you know...I practice daily- even when I don't want to. I don't write this stuff because I think it sounds pretty. I write this stuff because this is it. I write about my practice during the good times and I write about the hardest parts of this practice when life gets hard too. It's not bullsh*t. It's just life. And sometimes you have to surrender to life and eat some dirt sometimes.
So, go ahead. Sit in the hard times. Take off the armor. Put the sword down. And the next time someone tells you how strong you are and to get back up again, smile gently. Say "thank you for having that kind of faith in me" and then get on the mat. Face the bad times, dance with them, feel them and acknowledge that some times, on some days, you do not need to be strong.
You can just be.
You can surrender.
So, if you're having a day...do this...
1. Get on the mat. Or the earth. Or the dirt. Or the floor.
2. Lay in Sivasana. Rest on your back, legs long and spread wide. Allow your toes to drip to the sides and your arms to spread wide. Keep your palms up should you desire something from above and lay them face down should you need some grounding.
3. Play this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEvdiF4o3x0.
4. Be still. And breathe.
5. Surrender.
